There are times where I look at my current taste in music, one that is very much in the minority, and wonder how I got here. The more I think about it, the more I realize what a complex question this is, and how many singular events in my life have played a part in my love of all things metal. For those interested in a bit of a retrospective, read on.
The Early Years
I’d be curious to see what the statistics are on whether most metalheads come from a family of the same. In my story though, this was not the case. I grew up primarily around James Taylor, Neil Young, and The Temptations. Music was something to put on while the house was being cleaned. However, even then there were glimmers of what was to come. My parents describe me glued to The Muppet Show as Alice Cooper (or “pooper” as I pronounced it) played as a musical guest. I also found myself drawn to songs with a darker tone or lyrics that I didn’t fully comprehend at the time: like Marvin Gaye’s “Heard it Through the Grapevine” and Cat Steven’s “Wild World.” Was it nature or nurture? I have not idea, but my household was not awash in Black Sabbath or similar groups. There was some Hendrix and Led Zeppelin here and there, but ultimately it was me that educated my parents on these groups many years later.
A Foundation of Q101 and Alternative
If I were to attribute a singular spark that ignited my path down the road to headbanging, it would be Q101. The (sadly) now defunct radio station was the mecca of alternative rock and grunge in Chicago through the 90’s and 00’s. I couldn’t tell you exactly how I initially became acquainted with it, but I spent many an evening with my Nickelodeon radio tuned to 101.1. In this way, I slowly became exposed to Korn, Bloodhound Gang, Butthole Surfers, Collective Soul, and the plethora of “edgier” popular groups at the time.
I also, somewhat ironically, attribute a lot of this listening time to lengthy mission trips my family’s church would take in the summers. We spent many hours on the road, and I was almost always the youngest around a group of teens who were binging Dave Matthews Band and Hootie and the Blowfish. I have fond memories of these times, often with my headphones in, listening to hundreds of one-hit wonders that I still keep in a playlist to this day.
And of course, a discussion of this time would not be complete without considering the grunge explosion. I was of course repeatedly bombarded by Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, The Smashing Pumpkins, and dozens of other groups who seemed to be taking the airwaves by storm. I did not have cable growing up, so I missed much of the MTV side of things, but every now and then I would catch a video or Kurt Loder at a friend’s house in between episodes of The Daily Show and Upright Citizen’s Brigade on Comedy Central.
Middle School: Building Identity
By the time I started in middle school, I was becoming more interested in girls and close friends than music. This time took me a little all over the place. My friend Sean was the only one I knew who actually owned any rock CD’s and promptly introduced me to Foo Fighters, The Offspring, and Everclear; among other things. This last one, So Much For the Afterglow, may have very well been the first rock CD I myself owned. Art Alexis was also probably the first musician I knew by name. Something about the heaviness of tracks like “Amphetamine” and his overall rebellious swagger had me hooked. Green Day’s “Dookie” was soon to follow.
But life is rarely a straight line. In the midst of exploring what alternative music had to offer, I was also exploring the interests of my friends, particularly the fairer sex. Considering the time, it should not be surprising that I dabbled a bit in boy bands and R&B. My friend Rico even had a karaoke machine in his home, with which we would sing epic serenades to both real and imagined lady friends. I also may or may not have attended a Britney Spears concert. Am I proud of it? No. But it’s all part of the plan. Joining up with the theater kids also exposed me to the more classical side of music which no doubt would later impact my interest in symphonic metal, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves…
High School: The First Revelation
Right at the end of Middle School, I was approached by an older kid named Tracy, one who would become a long-time best friend. He had a natural rocker look: slicked hair that always seemed to be perfect, a button-up service shirt, and thick Rivers Cuomo frames. He needed a drummer for the Battle of the Bands. I had been playing for a bit now with a set of my own, but this would be the first time I did anything outside of the school band arena.
It was a disaster, but also transitional moment. We played Green Day’s “Brain Stew,” and at the last minute Tracy chickened out, and we played this HIGHLY repetitive tune instrumentally...with Stevie playing a guitar as a bass I might add. But this was just the tip of the iceberg. Tracy ended up attending one of our annual roadtrips, and it was during this time that a true revelation happened. I had been jamming Blink 182 or something thereabouts on my Discman, but he handed me a beat-up looking red and black CD and told me to press play. I did.
Slipknot’s self-titled blared through my eardrums and reverberated within me...and something changed. This was, at the time, the heaviest thing I had ever listened to. And without models around me to make me aware of the various extreme movements happening simultaneously, Slipknot became the gateway. I was hooked. “More,” I said.
It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that much of the next few years was spent steeped in the “nü-metal” craze. But for all the hate it gets, there was plenty good going on by my account. Even the not-so-great stuff helped move me towards bigger and better. There was Taproot’s Gift, System of a Down’s Toxicity, Deftones’ White Pony (an album I still count in my all time favorites), Korn's (last great album) Issues, and Mudvayne’s L.D. 50. This last one I give a lot of credit for building my early interest in more technical compositions.
Tracy, I, and a few friends formed a band called Single File somewhat in the Taproot style, while my other friend Paul opened us up to Bad Religion, Bad Brains, and various other punk classics; always showing up unwashed with a mohawk and recognizable musk. I also ditched drums in favor of guitar and vocals. The first riff I learned was The Smashing Pumpkins' “1979.” As is oft with teenage years, these were both good and bad times. I was torn.
Things at school were not going so well...socially anyways. My friends all went to a rival HS and I was trying desperately to fit in. I played football Freshman year only to be mocked mercilessly. No one truly mixed well with me, and even those whoclaimed to be metalheads only listened to the latest Metallica garbage or a repeat burned CD of Papa Roach. I tried various other avenues, but overall I was quite miserable.
New Friends and the Second Revelation
Fortunately, it was around this time that I had my second big awakening in another new friend. Paul, (not the punk one) was in my Architecture class. He was strange and cynical kid. We got along instantly and somehow found our way to the topic of music. It began with Rammstein, Nine Inch Nails, and similar groups; but this was a friendship destined finally for more extreme corners of the metal world.
Paul had an older half-brother who had died in a motorcycle accident, if I recall correctly. He was also a metalhead, and a bit older than us. As such, Paul was left with a collection of albums that more accurately reflected his generation: Sepultura, Pantera, Slayer, etc. We began to explore, almost seeming to want to outdo one another. Deeper exploration of NIN’s roots led to my love for Skinny Puppy. Paul returned the favor with my first dose of melodeath in another now all-time favorite: Dark Tranquillity’s Damage Done. I spent many hours playing that burned CD during the summer and pondering my new initiation into the Gothenburg sound.
In Flames, Opeth, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, etc, etc, etc. Further down the rabbit hole we dug. I still remember my first reaction to hearing Meshuggah’s “Future Breed Machine,” or how quiet the room became when the resurgence of Headbanger’s Ball played Lamb of God’s “11th Hour” for the first time. I went out and bought As the Palaces Burn the same week and played that album on repeat in my mom’s Ford Explorer for months. And a funny thing happened. I stopped caring about what everyone else thought. The music, and my close friends who shared love for it: that was all that mattered.
Metalcore was also exploding around this time, which added several more (in my opinion) classics to my collection: Between the Buried and Me’s The Silent Circus, Poison the Well’s Opposite of December and You Come Before You, Every Time I Die’s Hot Damn, As I Lay Dying’s Frail Words Collapse, Bleeding Through’s This is Love, This is Murderous, Killswitch Engage’s Alive or Just Breathing, and From Autumn to Ashes’ Too Bad You’re Beautiful all had a HUGE impact on my musical tastes, guitar playing, and self care.
Meanwhile, Paul continued to mine the depths of the kvlt and extreme. He began to tell me the history of Mayhem and the crazy things that had happened in the early black metal scene. I was fascinated by the tales, but Burzum and Darkthrone still sounded much like a dulled buzz-saw to me. Even so, I journeyed on with him to identify new and exciting death metal albums from Cannibal Corpse to Soilwork.
The College Years: Mathcore and Beyond
As I moved from the suburbs to the downtown area, in the dorms and later apartments around the city, life continued to evolve in all ways. My girlfriend at the time and I lived away from home for the first time, and around people who didn’t adhere to the clicks we were previously used to. Most of my hallmates listened to rap and Sublime (all good people), and we got along gloriously playing late night sessions of Halo 2 and Super Smash Brothers. But there were a few holdouts who dabbled in the heavier genres.
I remember one guy in particular. The type of guy who would compete to see who could eat a mouthful of grape tomatoes faster in the cafeteria. He overheard me listening to groups like Darkest Hour and recommended I check out some “weirder” stuff from Horse the Band, iwrestledabearonce, and The Number Twelve Looks Like You. He treated it a bit like a novelty, but I couldn’t get enough. I even saw the latter band twice, once with Dillinger Escape Plan at Reggies. This inevitably led to my love of Botch and Sikth as I continued to trace roots and explore new bands. My roommate Jordan, though not a metalhead by any means, continued to build on my fascination for time signatures and sound fusions with groups like Mew and The Mars Volta while another aquaintance introduced me to Protest the Hero's Kezia.
This was also a time of revisiting things I had not dedicated enough time to in high school. I binged the entire Opeth discography for weeks while also catching up on the latest releases from Meshuggah and Dark Tranquillity. I caught a few more small venue shows and befriended an instrumental post-metal group by the name of An Aesthetic Anaesthetic. Seeing them play and learning about other local acts like Russian Circles and Ohio’s Mr. Gnome built a greater respect for the underground scene. These were real people, the type who would invite you over on Thanksgiving to watch the Feast horror trilogy while eating junk food. My neighbors above me also educated me on what a “blastbeat” really was. As I finished up my Masters program and parted ways with my high school sweetheart, I looked back at these 6 years and knew no time would ever be quite like this again.
Adulthood is Brutal
For a while after this, life continued to change a lot, but music didn’t. I was busy with a new job, new girlfriend, and a blooming engagement. I continued to listen and talk about metal daily, but there weren’t many direct epiphanies at this time. We ultimately packed up and left Chicago for a new position and new experience in a land once known for rich roots in blues and rock, but is now a bit of a metal wasteland. 5 years and two kids later, I continued to blast early Fear Factory at work to the amusement of colleagues. I like to think I turned a few of them. But the third revelation was finally on the horizon.
I shifted positions again to a quieter one as we were raising the baby, which placed a lot more time on my hands. I began exploring and registering with Metal Storm and Metal Archives. I found that there was even MORE that I had no idea existed, and the members here were always sharing new things. This led me to a documentary reminding me of the previous stories Paul had told me about black metal, and finally things clicked in my head with everything from Bathory to Emperor. I also became aware of Bandcamp, which further exploded my collection, and a heartfelt article from Trevor of the Black Dahlia Murder convinced me to give up the pirating of music. I began downloading legally more furiously than ever, and typing up some reviews to fill the time. It was fun and rewarding.
Bands started contacting me and sending free download codes to review their stuff. Apparently they liked my work. This was an interesting development, and left me feeling a bit more fulfilled as someone who had more and more taken on the “dad” role and given up much in the process. It happens, and I love my kids. The only thing that bugged me was the lack of freedom in when, what, and how I could post things. Enter my best friend and your web-designer. He was not much of a metal fan save for a few bands here and there (he really digs Tengger Cavalry and Serenity in Murder), but with his background, a conversation about my current dilemma led to months of coding. His idea, really.
And lo and behold, the result stands before you even as you read the words from this screen. Metal Trenches. Here we are not even a year later and my inbox is exploding with over a hundred new albums from small time bands to bigger labels every week. My collection has probably doubled in this time, adding more new artists and albums than all of those past years combined. It’s really amazing, and I thought a few of you out there might be interested to here where it all comes from. In any case, I want to thank all of these people over the years who have made this into a slow reality. And, of course, I have to thank the bands for reaching out and working the hustle every day keeping me rrich in content. Who knows what the future holds.